WHEN ONE DOOR CLOSES, ANOTHER DOOR OPENS

When one door closes another door opens. 

We’ve heard it a hundred times, the question is: IS IT TRUE?  It’s usually used by a friend or loved one when we are going through periods of change.  It’s meant to be comforting, and in it’s essence it is.  But I have to ask myself, is that what is motivating me?  Is it just a saying that has me convinced I can open another door? 

I’ve spent time thinking about that and asking myself some powerful questions.  Where DO I get my strength?  How AM I going to do this?  What makes ME ready?  And AM I READY?  

I’m walking away from a job I’ve had for 10 years, where I’m supported, making a steady income and surrounded by people I love.  Now I'm stepping out on my own and potentially becoming the person I know in my heart I’m meant to be or possibly failing miserably only to be back to square one.  How am I going to do this?   

Forcing myself to look introspectively and look at my life has been really challenging.  When it gets down to it, I’ve had a little voice deep inside me telling me I should be doing more. I’ve heard it but I’ve ignored it.  I didn’t want to hear it, I didn’t want to use it and I especially didn’t want to feel it.  If I felt it, that would mean I would have to act on it. If I didn’t act on it, then I would be letting myself down. 

My solution???  I came up with other projects to satisfy that voice.  I recorded a song here, a Christmas album there, a girl group after that.  I enjoyed those steps, I really did.  I’m proud of them even, and I was able to take away great experiences, memories, and lessons learned but the problem is, I was still ignoring that little voice. MY VOICE. 

I convinced myself I was doing something about it but now I realize I was always surrounding myself with other people to share the work and go through it with me because I was scared.  I was scared of being exposed, scared of failing, and especially scared of just being MYSELF.  If you go out there all alone, there’s no where to hide.  If people don’t like it, it’s a part of ME they don’t like.   

That is why it is so scary.  That is why I wasn’t ready…until now. 

This past November, I had the opportunity to hear Carlos Santana speak in a very intimate setting and it was my “Ahh. HA!” moment.  He is a very spiritual man and he basically challenged me to picture my life without fear and to picture myself without other people defining me.  What did I picture?  I pictured myself singing my songs on a large stage in front of a packed house and them singing along to MY words.  Santana said to me (and a room full of 50 other people ;) that it is up to ME to live my life the way I SEE my life.  He talked about his experiences and challenges (he wasn’t invited to the Grammy’s for over 30 years but then on his first time there, won 8 awards) and didn’t sugar coat the hardships. Sitting there, he looked right in my eyes and said, “Lose the fear.  Lose the negatives.  Get up, feel the music, and go!” 

In that moment I felt more peace than I had felt in years.  I knew he was right.  I knew in that moment exactly what I am meant to do.  I’m meant to sing.  God gave me a gift to use and it is my responsibility to use it.  I have prayed and prayed on what my path should be and I feel like my answers were there all along, I just wasn’t ready to listen. 

But now, for the first time I’m listening.